Pamela Hay

What was your relationship to exercise before you started strength training at Fitology Hub?

I enjoyed sports as a kid, but, when I was a teenager, I really fell out of love with them. I didn't want to go to PE because I felt judged - by the boys around me in particular. Then I moved to a school with a really good dance department and stayed active that way, but I always found it really hard to memorise choreography. At the time, I blamed myself and felt like I wasn't as good as everyone else, but then, years later, I discovered I'm dyspraxic, which has made sense of so many things.

My fitness always used to be linked to being an opera singer. I'd perform 7 or 8 shows a week, so I was on stage, dancing every night and that was my exercise and that was plenty! Plus, I had to schlep a tour bag around everywhere with me, which took care of the heavy lifting!

Back then, I still found the idea of gyms intimidating and I didn't think I would be welcome. They didn’t strike me as the sort of places that would patient with me and, besides, I wouldn't have known where to start!

As I've got older, I'm not performing as much since sidestepping into management roles. So, I thought, Right, I'm not really getting enough exercise. Singing isn’t really doing it anymore and I'm not on tour, so I have to find something...

I'd been hearing a lot about how strength training is really important, especially now that I'm deep into perimenopause. My female friends in the neighbourhood started telling me about Fitology Hub, so I started following them on Instagram and seeing some of Suzanne’s beautiful posts. She seemed to understand my fears and it was the first time I felt that, maybe, someone will be kind to me and meet me where I am.

How has being a member of Fitology Hub impacted your life?

I always had a feeling of not really belonging in a "normal" gym. Those places seemed to be about Bigger, Better, Faster, Now! My fear was that I would somehow fail them, or that I would have to prove myself and I didn't want that - I have enough of that in my professional life! Fitology Hub isn't like that. There’s no pressure on me to prove anything to anyone else.

I feel nourished by the care I receive - physically, but also mentally - and I really value the focus on breathwork. As an opera singer, I understand how important the breath is - to get oxygen into the blood and to prevent habits and issues that can compound stress in the body. It's just another reason to put my trust in this wonderful place!

I really enjoy the small group training. We’re all on a journey together and we do cheer each other on and support each other. It's lovely. I feel like Fitology Hub is mine as much as anyone else's and I feel properly welcome. I know that when I turn up, my coach will be smiling at me, the other women will be smiling at me and even if I make an absolute tit out of myself, what's the harm? No one died!

How has strength training impacted your life?

Opera singing is a very physical act - it's visceral. You have to sing without a microphone, so you have to learn all about the different muscle groups in order to get efficient patterns in order to chuck your voice over a symphony orchestra to be heard. It's highly skilled - the smallest thing can mean you're not quite loud enough or your voice is not quite beautiful enough, so I have a really high awareness of my body and what it needs to do. The old school instruction when I was coming up was still very prescriptive and restrictive, especially with women. Teachers could be extremely cruel and critical - You must do it this way! You can't do it that way! We're trying to change that now, but when I was coming through, opera training was very harsh and unforgiving.

In my first ever 4:1 session at Fitology Hub, we were doing bench press. Cassie showed me what to do, but however hard I tried, I just couldn't lift the bar. She said, That's fine, but I don't think you're using quite the right muscles... Then she showed me how to use the strength in my legs and engage my body and, suddenly: BOOF! The bar flew straight up! And not only did I lift it, but it felt easy. I burst into tears of euphoria, because I was using muscles that I'd never been allowed to use before.

It was so freeing to take out all the must nots and to use my body in a natural way, that had always been forbidden in my job. It's like I'd been shown that I have all this strength in my body that I was finally able to access. So, privately, for me, it was a real two fingers up to all those brutal old instructors!

Strength training has given me inner confidence and a faith in my body that it can keep up as I age. I love the feeling of being quietly and awesomely strong - it's like vengeance against sexism!

How does being stronger feel?

There was a moment the other day, when my 8-year-old asked me to swing her round, which I did. And then my 13-year-old jokingly said, My turn, me next! and instead of laughing along with him, I was like, OK! Come on then, I'm ready for you! And I did it! I swung him round and it was a good feeling.

When people say, Trust, it's within you. It literally is, in this case, because your muscles are within you! I can trust that my muscles can, or will eventually be able to, do so many things. I can trust that it's already within me to grow in strength and courage; I just needed to find a place to access it. That's why I'm here: to feel and to experience that trust in myself.